The dream I dream… the dream of her…

Last night I couldn't fall asleep at all, I spent ~ 2 h trying to get some rest... last night I felt so strange, when I thought of her... of her... it made me seek companion in something else, not in a material being - at least for the moment... so I fell asleep. I had a dream about HER, SHE again...

She used to haunt my dreams, […]

This girl is haunting my dreams... Remember I told you I dreamt about her several times, and the topic of each single dream was the same: she was missing me and she was hoping for me to forgive her and come back. Several days ago, I had this dream: I accidentally found her in a waiting room in Vienna. I see her, she sees me, I look into her eyes, but… but I do not approach. I keep on going. I passed that room without showing attention to her, but I knew she was there, watching me from behind… and I returned. When I shut the door behind me, I stopped... for some reason I stopped…

Without being too much aware of what I was doing, I opened the door to come back to that room where she was, and SHE was opening it from the inside... The crying angel jumped into my arms, crying and telling me to forgive, to come back... and I gave her the most sensitive hug I have ever gave to someone... Last night I could physically feel her tears on my face when she was hugging me crying... telling me the same thing...

Why am I having these dreams? Why does she come into my dreams when I am deeply fallen into depression and sadness? Which is the meaning of these dreams with her? Could it be me MY OWN WISH to have her back... unconscious wish? What is she feeling about this? Does SHE… ever know…? 

…and I miss. The night comes on again, and so she will. In the night she comes to haunt… As of now, I miss her, like I never missed anyone.

What is going on with me? Why is she still messing with my wrecked life?

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Peace has slowly descended into my soul… feeling detached of everything right now, I close myself inside me and I wait the day of tomorrow. I wish I was free… free, just like her. I have no doubt one day I will see her again… Eye to eye…

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Not so much a dream

And I was sitting next to this tree. My entire being was filled with light, I had such a joyful peace in my soul, and I was praying. I spoke to Him. There was a continuous stream of joy that I felt, a joy without any natural reason... you know, that kind of feeling that makes your hairs stand?

At a moment, He said to me: "...and what makes you think you're an usual man?" ("...I do not know, perhaps it is the fact that I have lost faith in all that used to keep me going so far? Or maybe it is the people that I've surrounded myself with? Or maybe it is because this particular person that I've got into my life is such a character, and she takes from me even the mere freedom of having a dream of my own?)

Right after He spoke, a woman with her little baby came to this tree without a noise, without me noticing her. I was wondering why He stopped speaking... Why you stopped talking to me?

I've seen the woman and in my crazed mind, I made her go away...

The very next moment, my alarm rang. Yes, I woke up. Was all a dream -- and still puzzled out... what did you want me to see? What were you trying to show me? I'm up now, but... but also down.

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