28 November, 2009

Autumn romance (…yeah, right)

You know, there is something you broke, something causing to write this.

I’ve been happy to get your phone call that you’ll come over for the night, and I was really looking forward to that. You made all the thrill go away, and even caused within me a sort of rage pointed against me – yes, for being idiot enough to so much want to see you.

You came in, you did not even bother to go through the usual and boring social formalities, even considering the fact that we’re buddies now. Old pals, aren’t we? A “Hello, what’s up”, “How’s it going?” – this is what I had expected (of you). Instead you jumped right at me: “Start Skype! It’s Viola’s birthday and is midnight in Russia already! I gotta call her!

(I’m fine, thank you, glad you’ve asked! I’ve been really looking forward to meeting you! Glad that you’re here! – I thought to myself, and you’ve killed the thought in an instant.)

As my enjoyment was starting to fade away being replaced with some other bitter feelings, I open Skype and make room for you to sit on my computer. To my surprise and your disappointment, Skype did not work.

I’ve explained you that yesterday I had installed my webcam, which has a mic of its own and it made it the default recording device in my computer. My Skype settings were all overwritten by the webcam. I do understand that it is all too technical for you, but believe me I was doing my best to restore Skype functionality – so you can use it. Despite the fact that you understood that, and despite the fact that I was trying my best to help you, you still behaved like you shouldn’t have.

You’d look at the webcam, then at me as I struggle to make the microphone work, and then you’d have the nerve to dare to ask me: “Why have you installed the crap?” – relating to it. In my apartment. On my computer. Forgetting I am the one doing you a service for free, forgetting that you also used the crap on your Russian computer to broadcast your face over to your buddies. But at that time I believe it was just a webcam. When you stopped using it and returned it back to me it became crap.

I ignored that for the time being, but it was still pushing on. When I later brought it up, you’d only make stupid excuses – like you always do, instead of admitting your wrong doings. You’d tell me: “But it is late in Russia and I promised I will call her on her birthday” – thing which I perfectly understood. But despite me trying all I could to help you keep your promise, even offered you my own cell phone to place that call, you still wouldn’t admit your attitude was wrong. And your choice of words, totally inadequate.

You’re weak, you’re so weak to believe you’re always right, and to never see your mistakes. Or if you do see them, to never accept the fact that something about you is so wrong – but instead putting up a fight each time. When smarter and calmer solutions were available.

Please be smart and see far more than this – try to catch the big picture. Do you get it? Do you get the feeling that something about you isn’t as it should be?


*that’s the sweetest I could have put it.


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